All the galaxy's a stage
by EntityThatExists
Summary: Lance finds out there's a theater abourd the ship and convinces the others to start putting on some play together for fun. Considering none of them know anything about acting and Pidge manipulates everything to get her ship to sail it goes decently well. (Plz don't take this seriously it's just shitty jokes and Klance)
1. Prolog

**AN: If you expect genuine theater stuff you've come to the wrong place sry. If anyone can tell me if the rating is to high or to low please tell me because i couldn't tell for shit**

The sheer vastness of the castle never ceased to amaze Lance. Even though they had been there for months now he still hadn't seen half of it. That's why from time to time he went on a little tour exploring new parts of the building.

On that day he ended up in front of a large set of double doors. He entered the room behind them to find a giant hall with dozens of rows of seat all facing a … stage?!

"We have a theater and no one told me?"

"Oh yes my boy. The old theater, it was used to amuse the royal inhabitants of this castle like Alfor and Zarkon." Said Coran. Lance had run up to him on the bridge all exited asking about the theater.

"That's so awesome! We should totally use it." said a very giddy Lance.

"Oh dear. His inner theater nerd just came out." Was Hunk's reaction.

"Come on! It'll be fun! And it's a great team bonding exercise."

"Didn't we have enough of those?" asked Pidge "I mean at Naxzela Keith was literally ready to die for us."

"Yeah, by the way shouldn't we talk to him about that?" inquired Hunk just to get interrupted by a fired up Allura.

"IT'S A GREAT IDEA!" She announced, her eyes beaming with excitement. "We'll put on a play and my dream of playing the lead role will finally come true!"

Everyone else looked at Coran a bit confused. "It's a childhood dream of her." He said simply. "At least that's the easiest explanation I can give." He muttered unheard.

Lance concluded: "Well then it's settled! We're going to put on a play."

* * *

"You asked me here to do a play?" Keith questioned incredulously "You do know that I have stuff to do with blade, right?"

He had been told to come the castle quickly for something important. He canceled a mission with Kolivan came as fast as he possibly could and then had been led to what apparently was a theater just to be told his friends just wanted to fool around.

"Oh, c'mon Keef. Quit being grumpy, it'll be fun!" said Lance.

Pidge snickered and whispered to Hunk "I'm pretty sure Lance would use any excuse to get Keith back here."

"So, we're going to put on a play with absolutely no one watching because?" Keith asked while facepalming.

Lance answered in a teasing tone. "Just for fun. You do know what that is right?"

"I thought this was _bonding_ exercise." shot Pidge.

"Shh! Bonding is one of Keith's trigger words."

"Oh my god!" shouted Keith "This is idiotic!"

"Then why don't you just leave?" inquired Pidge.

Keith stayed silent and stared at his feet.

"Ohhh …. "cooed Lance "Could it be that Grumpy McMullet missed his friends and wants to hang out with them."

Keith turned slightly red at being called out like that.

"Interesting that you decided to put a _Mc_ in his name, _McClain_." stated Pidge.

Now it Lance was turning red. "Uhm … Let us just start already."

Hunk looked a bit lost. "With what exactly? Like, do we have a script? What play do we do?"

"That … I haven't thought about!" was Lance's answer. "Where do we get a script in the middle of space?"

"Well I have all of Wikipedia downloaded to my laptop, if that helps." Sai Pidge as if it was the most normal thing there was.

Keith wasn't sure if he actually wanted to know why but asked anyway. "Ok, I just gotta know. WHY? And how does it fit on your laptop?"

"You wouldn't believe how often this has come in handy. And regarding the how … I might have stolen some stuff from my dad to modify it."

That was good enough of an explanation for Lance. "Great! So, could you look up Romeo and Juliette?"

Pidge rolled her eyes at that. "Just had to be expected." But searched her laptop for the classic, almost cliché, drama anyway.

"Wait so we're not going to question Pidge stealing from her Father and getting into situation where 'having all of Wikipedia has come in handy'?" questioned Keith, he took the lack of answers as a yes.

"There it is, Romeo and Juliette … oh there's only a summary on here and not the entire script."

"We'll just go by that and improvise." Said Lance.

"What's the lead role?" asked Allura "Because no offence but it's mine!"

"There's two lead roles." Explained Lance. "Romeo and Juliette, like the title says. It's a drama about their love, so the two us are perfectly suited for the roles, you'll be Juliette and I'll be your dashing Romeo." Finishing with a flirty wink in Allura's direction.

Keith commented: "I think I'm gonna puke."

"Jealous of Allura?" joked Pidge.

"What's the rest of us going to do?" asked Hunk.

Pidge pulled up her laptop again typing some incomprehensible code. "Give me a sec … Aaaan finished! I wrote an c# algorithm that's going to assign us all roles using the Park-Miller random number generator."

Hunk simply said "Good idea." While Keith and Lance tried their best not to let it slip that they had no idea what she said. Pidge hit a key and her laptop created a List.

"So, let's see ... sorry Allura but the PC decided Keith is gonna be Juliette. Fitting he already got a knife and an emo attitude."

"WHAT?" shot Allura and Keith perfectly in sync. Interestingly both looked equally pissed.

"I'm not going to play some whiny damsel in distress!"

"Why can't I be the lead role?"

Pidge answered with a smirk. "That's what the algorithm decided."

"Come on guys we're just fooling around anyway." Said Hunk trying to cool things down. He was joined by Shiro: "I think Pidge's algorithm is the fairest method anyway, since we're doing this for fun and didn't have a rehearsal."

Allura crossed her arms and sulked: "Ok fine."

"Guys, I'm really not in the mood to "started a still very irritated Keith just to get interrupted by Pidge.

"ANYWAY! Let's see who got the other roles. Hunk you're Benvolio, Shiro you're count Paris …"

"I'm an entire city?"

"… I'm friar Laurence … since we are not enough people the algorithm just filled in most roles with the training bots … oh and Lance still got his wish and is going to be Romeo."

"YES! Razzel-dazzel time WAIT WHAT?"

 **AN: I'm officially sorry for this ... well not really. If you really want to continue reading, the second chapter is gonna take me a while (I don't know anything bout shakespeare)**


	2. Romeo and Juliet Part 1

"You want me and Mullet to be all lovey-dovey?" asked Lance.

Pidge answered, trying to sound innocent "Well, not me the algorithm."

"Nope! Definitely not happening!"

"For once I agree with Lance." Said Keith.

"What do you mean 'for once'?!" They immediately started their bickering, everyone else just rolled their eyes at them.

Allura turned to Pidge. "While their busy with these weird human courtship rituals, can you tell me what role I got?"

"Oh sorry I forgot. Lemme look ... you're Tybald."

"Don't know what that means but OK. Before we start wouldn't it be more fun if we had the clothe fabricator make us some costumes really quick?"

Everyone, even Lance and Keith, turned silent and looked at Allura. Pidge took a deep breath. "Excuse me Allura, the what?"

"The clothe fabricator?" Allura was confused at the paladins behavior.

"You mean a machine that makes clothes?"

"Yes."

"We have one aboard?"

"Yes?"

"OK then just one more question ... WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US? WE HAVE BEEN WEARING THE SAME OUTFITS FOR MONTHS NOW!"

"I thought you guys knew ..."

They went and had some costumes made for them but not before they all got themselves multiple new outfits.

"I'm not wearing a fucking dress!" yelled Keith.

"C'mon Keith." Shiro was trying to convince him. "Everyone's wearing a costume."

Allura whispered to Pidge. "What's 'fucking'?"

"Think quiznack but obscener."

"KEITH! Watch your mouth, paladins shouldn't talk like that."

"How am I supposed to watch my mouth?" asked Keith confused.

Lance facepalmed. "This is the voltron chant all over again."

Keith crossed his arms and sulked. "Anyway, the point is I'm not wearing a dress!"

Allura leaned over to Pidge again. "Why doesn't he want to wear the dress? I think it's pretty."

"Human males aren't supposed to wear dresses." Answered Pidge "It's a rather random rule of human culture."

"Come on Keef ~~~" Lance dragged his name out. "It'll be more fun with costumes, it'll be just like a professional play."

"What's the point? We don't even have an audience ... or a real script for that matter."

"The point is to have fun together as friends." Lance tried his ultimate weapon: he looked at Keith with big puppy eyes.

Keith closed his eyes and massage his temples for a moment. "Listen I'm not ..." when he opened his eyes again his saw that the rest of the team had joined Lance in looking at him with pleading teary puppy dog eyes, even Shiro.

Keith took the dress saying: "I swear to god, if someone takes a picture of me in this I'm murdering them!" while his team cheered.

* * *

"OK! Everyone to their places!" spoke Coran into an old-fashioned megaphone, while wearing a beret. He himself had decided to be the director or _le réalisateur_ as he insisted on calling it. No one questioned his decision or where he got the megaphone or how he suddenly knew french. It was Coran the answer would probably just raise more questions.

The Team and a bunch of training robots, also clumsily stuck into ill-fitting costumes, were standing on the stage awaiting his orders.

"First scene! The servant of Capulet and Montague have a brawl in the streets." Two lines of training bots formed up and then started slaughtering each other.

"... uhm is that what is supposed to happen?" asked Allura.

Pidge looked at the summary of the play. "Well actually somebody is supposed to stop them, the prince of Verona."

"Who's playing him?"

The upper half of a training bot wearing a particularly fancy costume was thrown beside them.

"That one apparently." Said Pidge.

The last Montague serving robot destroyed the last Capulet serving robot before collapsing from damage and the brawl was over.

"Yeah! In your face Keith! Montague for the win!" cheered Lance.

Keith shot back: "Like I care! Also, aren't you supposed to be my lover or whatever?"

"Mhhh? Did you finally succumb to my charms?"

Lance meant it as a joke but Pidge couldn't help herself to comment. "For 'rivals' you two are very flirty."

Coran interrupted them: "Next scene! Paris asks Capulet for Juliette's hand."

Shiro and another training bot walked onto the stage.

"Oh Lorde Capulet would thou bestow the honor upon me to giveth me thine daughter's hand?" asked Shiro while the other Paladins were cackling at his words.

The robot made some beeping noises before it's head suddenly lit up green.

Shiro looked to Allura "Uhm ... Allura? Explanation?"

"It accepted your request ... was that not supposed to happen?"

"It wasn't." said Lance "It was supposed to tell Paris to wait a little bit longer and invite him to a ball at his house later that day."

"Wow, that's pretty progressive for a renaissance nobleman." Commented Pidge.

"Well apparently not, the robot just gave Keith to Shiro without further questions. But I'm Romeo, Keith's supposed to marry me."

Pidge looked at Lance slyly. "You seem awfully bothered by that."

"Shut up!" Lance tried to change the topic. "Let's just ignore the robot, it's just a really crappy actor."

"NEXT SCENE!" shouted Coran. "Benvolio talks to Romeo."

Lance and Hunk walked onto the stage, rather Lance was confidently strolled onto the stage clearly loving the spotlight and it loved him too, even in rather ridiculous renaissance clothes. Hunk on the other hand was awkwardly stumbling onto the stage, pretty nervous and a bit embarrassed

Shiro tried encouraging him. "You can do it Hunk!"

Pidge joined in. "You got it big guy!"

"At least you're not wearing a fucking dress." Said Keith.

All eyes were on Hunk, which was not really helping his sudden case of stage fright. "He-HEY ROMEO WHY DO YOU LOOK SO DOWN THESE DAYS?" Okay, his Brain had decided if he couldn't act well he at least act loud, probably not the best idea.

His friends just keep on encouraging him. "You're doing great Hunk!" yelled Allura.

"The stage is yours!" said Pidge.

"Just try it without the yelling next time." was Keith's comment.

Pidge elbowed him. "Ouch! Hey! How is supposed to get better if we all just lie to him?"

Lance ignored the chatter and went on with his lines. "Oh, my dear cousin. Fate has a cruel humor. I can't stop thinking about this girl Rosaline."

"Uhm? Okay? Why don't you just ask her out?" Hunk was actually genuinely confused, since he had no real knowledge of Romeo and Juliette.

Keith put on a really annoyed expression. "Yeah, usually you ask half the galaxy out."

"Jealous?" asked Pidge.

"You see Benvolio," continued Lance, "she is one of the nieces of Capulet, whom my father so resents so much."

"Gimme a sec." said Hunk, looking over the summary of the play. "That sucks man, but let's just give it a try, how about we attend the ball at Capulet's house today?"

"Sure thing bro!"

Keith facepalmed. "How far away are we from the original by now?"

Pidge answered: "I'd guess about as far away as we are from earth."

"This is idiotic!"

Coran shouted into his megaphone. "Less grumpy Emo, more young Italian beauty! Get on the stage Keith! And get me the supernumeraries!"

Keith and a bunch of training bots walked onto the stage. Keith was constantly tripping over his red renaissance dress and fell on his stomach right in front of Lance and Hunk. Both of them winced at the impact.

"Keith, buddy you okay?" asked Lance.

Keith mumbled into the ground: "Just let me lie here alone, while I gather up strength to continue this."

"With 'this' you mean the play or your live?", asked a very concerned Hunk.

"Lance!" shouted Pidge "This is the part where you fall in love with Keith I mean Juliette!"

 **A/N: This got wayyy longer than I thought it would and I wanted to keep the chapters at around 1000 words, also I learned I couldn't describe clothes if my live depended on it :P Any constructive critique is welcome!**


	3. Romeo and Juliet Part 2

"Okay. Here goes nothing." Said Lance. He took a deep breath, got into his role and then let out a dramatic gasp. "Who is this most elegant most beautiful being?" he asked while gesturing at Keith.

The former black Paladin was still lying flat on his face and completely and utterly defeated. "Apparently I'm Juliet now." He mumbled into the ground.

Lance went on. "Thou art most endearing."

"Oh my god. Please, at least speak normally." Said Keith.

"Hold it you wretched fiend!" yelled Allura.

"Wow," commented Hunk" when she talks like that it doesn't even sound forced."

Allura drew her bayard "I, Tybalt will not let you defile my cousin Juliet, _Keith stop groaning so loud I'm trying to say my lines,_ nor my dear uncle's ball. Prepare to duel!"

"I feel like I should make a Yu-Gi-Oh reference…" muttered Pidge.

Lance also drew his bayard. "I won't back down."

"Why did you give up on the Shakespeare talk?" asked Hunk.

Lance and Allura were awkwardly staring at each other, weapons drawn but no intention to actually fight. Keith was still lying on the floor between them and asked: "Isn't something supposed to happen?"

Lance answered: "well, your dad is supposed to stop us."

"Isn't my dad played by some stupid robot?"

"Yeah," came it from Pidge "about that. It is a training robot … so the idea of not fighting doesn't make much sense to its program …"

Coran once again yelled into his megaphone despite the fact that the others were just five meters away:" That's alright, just go to the next scene! We'll fix the little errors in editing!"

"This … isn't a movie." commented Keith confused.

"Time for the balcony scene!" yelled Coran.

"Yeah, we don't have a balcony." said Pidge.

"We should totally get props and a whole scenery next time!" came it from a very excited Lance.

Keith looked slightly panicked. "What do you mean, _next time_?"

Allura joined Lance. "Oh yes. That would be so much fun!"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, _NEXT TIME_?"

Coran took his megaphone: "Enough already with the chatter! Next scene! Keith, since we don't have a balcony just stand on this box!" He pointed at a small box, about 30 cm in height.

" _That_ is our substitute?" asked Keith incredulously.

"Yes!"

Keith stepped on the box. "… yesterday I rammed my dagger in the head of a galra officer. Today I'm wearing a bright red dress, standing on a box, pretending it to be a balcony, waiting to have the cheesiest of exchanges with Lance. Can my live get any weirder?"

"There is the magical space cat thing." Provided Hunk "Oh, and your half alien!"

Keith pinched the bridge of his nose exhaling sharply.

"Now, now Keith." Said Shiro, trying to calm him. "Hunk I think he meant that as a rhetorical question."

"Whatever let's just get this over with! Romeo, Oh Romeo! Wherefore art thou my Romeo!"

Lance recited his lines: "But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?  
It is the east, and **Keith** is the sun."

Silence filled the room, Pidge had a shit eating grin on her face.

"Uhm … I- I meant Juliet." Stammered Lance.

…

…

…

Keith looked down from the box. "I wonder if this height is enough to kill me."

"Don't go quoting Squidward on me Mullet."

"Don't go actually declaring love to me!"

"I DIDN'T! And don't act as if you weren't flattered."

"THAT IS ENTIRELY NOT THE POINT!"

"So, you admit that you were!"

Pidge jumped between them. "Well, I guess now is as good a time to marry you as any other."

"What?" asked Keith.

"I'm friar Laurence remember? Ok, we have gathered here to join to souls in the state of holy matrimony. …"

"I thought Keith was lactose intolerant?" said Hunk.

"Matrimony isn't dairy Hunk" whispered Shiro.

"… Keith to you take the here present Lance as you lawfully wedded husband, promise to blah blah we all know the gist of it. Of 'course you do take him! Lance, do you? Yes, very much! By the power invested in me by God, _and the principality of Verona,_ …"

"Just wait a second!" yelled Keith.

"Yeah," joined Lance in "I don't think he said that last part!"

"That wasn't my point!"

Allura was on the verge of tears. "I always cry at weddings."

Pidge went on: "… I hereby declare you lawfully wedded! Ok, time to consummate the marriage!"

"WHAT?" yelled Keith and Lance in unison.

"You know … officially approved unholy smutty sex. Start already you two, we don't have all day! Coran! Make sure the cameras are on it! With all the Klance shippers in this galaxy we're going to make a fortune."

Coran was holding a remote and tapped around on it. "Everything is perfectly in the shot." He said giving Pidge a thumb up.

"CAMERAS? Which cameras?" asked Keith horrified.

Pidge simply pointed up to where a bunch of drones was hovering.

Keith balled his fists, he looked as if he was about to rip someone apart. "Pidge what did I say about filming me!" With each word he came closer to Pidge.

She avoided his gaze. "Well nothing technically. You said we shouldn't take a picture, that's different!"

"Don't you try to"

Allura interrupted him: "Keith, Kolivan called you're needed back at the blade!"

"This isn't over Holt!" he said while leaving.

"Wait I haven't got one smutty scene on tape!"

Keith slammed the door behind him.

"Crap!" said Pidge.

" … so, was this all just an elaborate plan of yours to sell Klance porn?" inquired Hunk.

Pidge didn't answer.

"This was very entertaining." Said Allura happily" I also learned so much about you humans and your culture. What play are we acting out next time?"


	4. The wizzard of Oz

"Why are we doing this again?" asked Keith.

"If you hate it so much why did you come here?" retorted Pidge and Keith went silent.

Lance snickered and shot Keith a sly look. "He doesn't want to admit he likes it, he's just a Tsundere."

"No anime tropes!" yelled Keith.

Shiro put on a thoughtful face. "I mean … you do fit the definition pretty well."

"Et tu Brute?"

Allura looked slightly annoyed. "You know it's so great of you to constantly refer to human popular culture, I don't feel left out at all."

"I don't think 'Et tu brute' counts as popular culture." Commented Lance.

"Changing the subject," said Hunk, not wanting the situation to derail further "what play are we doing?"

Everyone looked at Lance but he just said: „Why don't you choose one Hunk? I already choose last time, I think it's only fair if someone else gets to pick this time."

"Oh, okay cool … I don't know any plays though."

"C'mon somethings gotta come to your mind."

"Uhhhmmm … the wizard of oz?" Hunk rather asked than answered.

"But that doesn't have any couples!" complained Pidge.

Keith was confused. "How is that a problem?"

"Wizard of Oz it is." Said Pidge typing away on her laptop. "And the roles are: Allura is Dorothy, the lead role …"

Allura punched into the air with a triumphant "Yes!"

"… I'm the good witch of the north and the wizard of oz …"

"Why two roles?" asked Lance.

"I redid the algorithm so we would need less training bots, since they're useless. Anyway, Lance is the Lion, Shiro is the Tin man …"

"Is that a reference to my arm?"

" … Hunk is the scarecrow and Keith is … the wicked with of the west." She finished with a grin.

"Why do I have to be a woman again?" Keith got into his standard sulking position, crossed arms and pouty face.

"Quit whining and go put on a costume." Said Pidge.

* * *

Coran had once again assumed the role of director and yelled into his megaphone:" All right, first scene! Dorothy and her dog Toto are at home in … what is a Kansas?"

Lance answered: "A place on earth, mostly made of emptiness and blowing tumbleweed. Hey sounds like a place mullet would hang out!"

"No I wouldn't! "protested Keith "I'm forbidden from entering that and 12 other states again." He muttered. "And half of the EU for that matter."

"What? Keith! What did you do?" demanded Shiro.

Keith looked around for something to get him out of this situation. "Uhm Coran you were explaining the scene!"

"Right, thank you Keith. Dorothy and Toto get caught in a tornado."

Hunk looked around confused. "Did the algorithm forget to assign somebody the role of Toto?"

"I guess it ignored non-human characters … I'll change it for next time." Said Pidge.

"So," said Lance "who's the dog?"

Lotor walked in. "There you all are. What are you doing? I have been searching … why are you looking at me like that?"

* * *

"I never agreed to such nonsense when I changed sites." Said a very irritated Lotor wearing a full body dog costume.

"Shhh! Dogs don't talk." Mocked Lance.

"You're enjoying this way too much, blue Paladin."

"Everybody on position!" yelled Coran "Princess, Lotor, get inside the House."

"You mean the cardboard box?" asked Lotor.

"Exactly! Now the storm!"

"What storm? What even are we doing?"

Lotor's questions were cut short by Pidge and Hunk turning on a giant fan that blew him and Allura against the wall. After they turned it of Pidge assumed her role as good witch of the north.

"Oh thank you travelers, with your falling house landed on the evil witch of the east and killed her."

Allura was shocked. "Oh my! Why are human stories so gruesome?"

"You think that's gruesome? Wait till we get to german fairytales and someone abandons their children in a wood before they literally cook an old woman." Deadpanned Pidge.

"… moving on …" said Allura, really not wanting to continue this conversation "Anyway, I'm Dorothy and this is my dog Toto ..."

….

"Lotor! This is where you say your line." Whispered Allura.

Lotor took a deep breath and spoke: "Bark! Bark!"

"And now I have a new ringtone!" said Lance filming the humiliation of the galra with his phone.

Allura continued: "Where are we and who are you?"

"I'm the good witch of the north, this is the magical land of Oz. To get home you must visit the wizard of Oz, while you're at it take these 3 losers with you."

"You're progressing the story way to quick!" complained Lance.

Pidge shrugged. "Yeah the thing is: I'm to lazy to actually learn my lines so I'm just saying what I remember. Also, beware of Keith the wicked witch of the West. No, he is not related to Kanye but evil nonetheless."

So, the four heroes and one dog went on their journey, meaning they walked from one side of the stage to the other.

"What, exactly is the wizard of oz?" asked Allura.

"He is the magical ruler of oz." said Lance

"I thought earth didn't have magic?"

"Well, it's a fictional story."

"And what is the backstory of your characters?" she said eying the strange costumes of the three.

Shiro was the first to answer:" I'm the tin man, a robot without a heart."

That confused Allura. "Well, what would a robot need a heart for?"

"It's a figurative heart."

"I'm a scarecrow with no brain, which also doesn't make a lot of sense now that I said it." Said Hunk. "And Lance is a Lion without courage."

"One of these things is not like the other … "sang Pidge, from the back of the stage.

"Keith!" yelled Coran "This is your part, you're supposed to stop them!"

Keith was confused and quickly scrolled through the script: "Wait, I think this part comes way later … oh what do I care, let's get this over with … lemme see I'm sending my army of flying monkeys? Ok sure why not. But I don't got any."

Pidge slapped her forehead. "Sorry my fault, the algorithm didn't assign that role either."

"So, who's gonna be the flying monkeys?" asked Lance.

Matt walked in. "There you all are. What are … why are you looking at me like that?"

* * *

"I don't get it! Why did you force me into a monkey costume? Why does it have wings? Why are Lotor and Lance a dog and a lion? What are you doing? Filming furry propaganda? And why is Keith wearing a dress?"

Keith took a deep breath and said in a monotonous voice: "I'm the wicked witch of the west and you're my army of flying monkeys."

Matt just starred at him not knowing how to react.

"I order you to fight them!" said Keith pointing at the others. Matt looked over and saw them, bayards drawn and in battle formation.

He looked back at Keith and asked: "You want me to fight the paladins of Voltron and prince Lotor, all by myself."

"Yes, it's time someone else suffers." Was Keith's answer, delivered with a straight emotionless face.

"Hello!" yelled Lotor "I'm on a leash."

"Yeah, Allura's leash! You're probably enjoying it instead of suffering."

After Matt got his own ass handed to him in the most humiliating way.

"Give up witch! We defeated your army." Boasted Lance.

"Figures." Was Keith's answer.

"What do we do now?" asked Hunk "The witch melts or something like that, right?"

"Wait a second I have the script with me." Said Pidge. "Oh yes she melts, she melts into a hug. The lion knows that she is just a misunderstood, awkward guy oops I mean girl that just wants to belong somewhere and takes her into a nice warm hug that melts away all her grumpiness uhm evilness."

Lance scratched his head. "Not entirely how I remember it but ok."

He took Keith into a quick embrace expecting the other boy to push him away but to his surprise he was hugged back … and now Keith didn't let go. Lance got a bit concerned and tightened the embrace. "Keith, buddy? You ok there?"

"I had a lot stress at the blade just let me have this for a moment."

"D'aww" came it from the other paladins and Matt, while the three Aliens just watched very confused.

"I don't think I understand human culture." Concluded Allura.


	5. Lady and the Tramp Part 1

**AN: Everyone who just needed like 2 months to post a little update of barely over 1000 words raise your hand *raises hand***

 **Anyway sorry if any of this is inconsistent with the trailers for season 7 I haven't watched them because i don't want even one second spoiled for me**

So, turns out that going back to earth is easier said than done, since the lovely blue marble happened to be 2600000 lightyears away and not being able to spawn a wormhole whenever you please makes that a rather large distance. Team Voltron, with the new additions of Krolia, Romelle and a … lightning wolf (?) had to take a little break on a planet every so often to have the lions recharge. This time they landed on a planet they've never been before but the locals had heard of Voltron and were happy to help.

"It's so kind of the government of Aillag to let us stay at the royal palace." Said Allura "Although I wonder where their King will stay in the meantime."

"It's a former royal palace Allura." Answered Coran "Aillag is a republic and they deposed their king centuries ago."

Shiro looked around the giant hall they were traversing mostly made of marble adorned with gold "This place kinda reminds me of Versailles in France." He said "They are also famous for deposing of monarchs."

"How so? And what's a France?" asked Allura, she understandably wasn't to keen on the deposing of royalty idea.

"France is a place on earth. One time they had giant revolution and cut their kings head of … and everybody else's head's too."

Allura got really uncomfortable now. "Are … we sure we want to go to earth?"

"So, who had their money on Lotor betraying us?" asked Pidge, changing the subject.

Lance raised his hand.

"I don't think anyone saw it coming." Said Hunk.

Coran agreed, twirling his mustache. "It was unforeseeable."

Lance violently gestured to himself.

"Yeah you guys are right, no one saw that coming." Concluded Pidge.

Lance facepalmed, Keith looked back and forth between him and the others confused. "I think Lance might have suspec …"

"On a different note," interrupted Pidge "who had their money on Shiro being a clone the whole time?"

Lance starred at his feet. "I knew something was off …"

"And who the hell had their money on: Keith coming back, two years older, with his galran mother, an altean girl and a space wolf?"

"… and looking bigger and more muscular." Muttered Lance.

"What was that?" asked Keith.

"Nothing! Hey I'm bored let's find something to kill time." Lance yelled suddenly speeding up his step.

"No! Lance wait what did you say?" Keith insisted just to be ignored.

"Some R and R sure sounds like a good idea." Said Shiro. "But what could we do?"

* * *

Keith let out an exasperated sigh "This castle just had to have a theater." He said standing in front of a over the top decorated stage.

"Quit whining Mullet! So, who choses this time?" asked Lance.

Shiro had no idea what this all was about. "What are we choosing and what for?"

"Shiro my leader you wound me." Gasped Lance in fake offence. "Don't you remember all the many times we bonded over Wait! No of course you don't, that was you're clone."

"To keep things short," started Hunk "From time to time we do a theater play together, though it's mostly goofing around together and Keith pretending to hate it."

"I DO!"

Krolia looked at Hunk with something resembling hope in her eyes. "Does that mean I could finally see my little son in a play?"

"I'm not little!"

"Yeah, sure I guess." Said Hunk, addressing Krolia. "What do you mean by finally?"

"I know human mothers watch their children's school plays and I wanted to see Keith's but then I had to leave." Krolia said starring at the ground.

Keith looked at her "Mom …"

"Well, looks like we have a special audience today!" announced Lance. "Don't worry momma mullet, we'll put on a play that'll put every middle school theater group to shame."

Shiro looked at him confused "I expected a somewhat more ambitious goal from you."

"Oh, believe me it's very ambitious for our standards." Said Keith.

Krolia was uncharacteristically joyful. "Really? You're going to do it? That way I can finally do normal earthen things with my little son."

"What's with the little today? I'm taller than ever!"

"By Galra standards you're still small." Krolia said as she ruffled her son's hair, Keith of course responded by starting to sulk.

"Is there any play you'd like us to do?" asked Lance.

"Well … I wasn't on earth for long so I don't remember much of your culture but there was that one movie about two dogs falling in love 'Lady and Tramp' I believe that was very cute."

At the mention of that story Pidge put on a mischievous smile. "I'll have my Laptop figure out the roles."

The team went backstage, while Shiro, Romelle, Coran and a very excited Krolia sat down in front of the stage.

Keith looked pissed "I swear to everything that is holy to anyone if I'm a girl again …"

"Keith you're Lady." Said Pidge, completely disinterested in Keith's rant.

"I AM NOT GOING TO DO THAT AGAIN!"

"Oh, so who should tell your dear mother that the play is cancelled?" she asked with a shit eating grin.

Keith just crossed his arms and started sulking, again.

"Now that that's settled," went Pidge on "the other Roles are … Lance you're Tramp, Hunk, Allura and I are going to play the rest of the cast, oh dear that might get complicated."

"How come me and Mullet are always playing a couple when there is one in the story?" asked Lance.

Pidge looked a bit nervous. "What do you mean always? This has only happened twice now. It's just a coincidence!"

Lance and Keith both eyed her with suspicion.

"I wonder I we could find some costumes around here…" said Allura simply ignoring the tension

* * *

"You've got to be kidding me …" moaned a very exasperated Keith after being convinced (forced) by his fellow Paladins to wear floppy dog ears on his head as well as a fluffy dog tail. "Where did you even find that stuff?"

Pidge waved her hand dismissively "It's best not to care about such minutiae. Now let's get on with the show!"

"Whatever … Hunk why are you holding a bow and wrapping paper?"

Hunk looked nervous. "You won't like the answer."

"What could be worse than having to wear this stupid dog disguise?"

Hunk gulped "Well you know … I'm playing Jim so basically your owner and the first scene is me giving my wife her Christmas present."

…

The curtains went up revealing Hunk and Pidge dressed like an early 20th century couple standing in front of Christmas tree and Keith lying underneath it, in cocoon of wrapping paper with dog ears and a little red bow on his head. "I wish I was back in the desert."

Sitting in the audience Krolia nudged Coran "See the grumpy on? That's my little boy!"

While Shiro took pictures of it all looking like a proud dad.


End file.
